We all know how easy it is to put our marriage on the back-burner when work, kids, and the daily demands of everyday life compete for our attention. Here are a few tips to quickly reconnect with your spouse when life has taken over:
- Start and end your day on the right note. Give your spouse a nice kiss goodbye before you both head off in the morning. Don’t just give them a “drive-by” kiss either. Make it a good one! Drop everything and take a moment and give them a long hug right when you walk in the door in the evening. Book-end your workday by connecting with your partner. Let them know you remember they’re more than just your roomie.
- Establish dedicated “couple time” at the end of the day. Hide the devices. Turn on some music, grab a glass of wine or tea, and spend 30 minutes just talking and relaxing. No chores. No kids (as much as possible). Just spend focused time talking to your spouse the way you used to before you became busy working parents.
- Do a daily check-in. Ask about your spouse’s day. Listen closely to how they respond. Ask questions to dig deeper. Provide support if they’re dealing with something difficult. Give them the gift of your curiosity.
- Send a quick text throughout your workday just to say hi. Bonus points for making it sexy!
- Play hooky. Plan a “day date” while your kid(s) are at daycare/school. Tell your boss you have to leave at lunch for an “appointment” and sneak away for an afternoon drink and apps before picking your kids up from school.
- Get involved in a shared interest together. Read a book together. Take a class that interests you both. Develop yourselves in new ways and share the journey with your spouse.
- Try something new together. Raising a family lends itself to routine and familiarity (and boredom!). Novelty helps quickly spice up a marriage. Choose something new each month that will broaden your horizons, develop you both as individuals and as a couple, and inject a little excitement into your daily routine.
- Start an ongoing discussion about your life goals. Ask your partner what their vision is for your future together. Use this Life Plan template to create your ideal life in specific detail. The more detailed your vision is, the more likely you are to achieve it.
- Surprise your spouse. Do something to make their day easier. Take care of a chore they usually do. Pick up their favorite dinner on the way home. Send them flowers at work. Hide a note under their pillow. Get creative. Think about how you can add a little happiness to their day.
- Take time for yourself. This one might sound counter-intuitive, but the best way to be a good spouse is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself (so you don’t inadvertently put the responsibility on them to “meet your needs.”) Take time to recharge and address any needs you have on your own. You’ll be more relaxed and lighthearted if you’re interacting with your spouse from a place of overflow rather than overwhelm.
Keeping a marriage engaging and exciting can be work at times (especially when you already have so much on your plate). But the return on investment of just a few little acts of kindness and romance is high. Choose one of these options and spice up your marriage today. 🙂
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